Bittersweet

Father's day...
A little bittersweet for me. I had to do a lot to keep my mind off my own problems and to keep it a special day for my husband. I miss my dad. I miss his voice, his advice, his hugs, his craziness, his complete understanding of life, the way he could help me see things in a way that made me smile, the way that he looked at my son and so many other reasons that I would need to write for days. We, as humans, have a tendency to really take things in life for granted. Our parents and them being there for everything forever is one thing. You have no idea how much I would love to pick up the phone and call my dad, just to say hi. Or how much I wish I would come home one day to one of his famous doorstep packages on my porch. Or how I wish I could see the look on his face when he sees my daughter. My dad looked the happiest I've ever seen him the day my son was born. The look in his eyes was incomparable to any before. When I think about my dad, that's what I see. How happy and proud he was. I just try to remember the good, but some days it's really hard to get past the bad. But really it's not bad to hurt... I've come to terms with that. Some days I just cry...

I love my brother!!

So from the title of this post you can probably tell this will be about my brother and why I love him... and yes, you're right...
My brother, Jack, is just awesome!! He's like 4 years younger than me and has accomplished so much that I'm slightly jealous but not really... He's worked VERY hard for everything he has and he's sharing his good fortune with me!!
I am buying a car from him and it's a great thing! My whole family can fit in it very comfortably and it's in great shape!! WOOO HOOO!!! We're no longer forced to fit 4 people into a tiny pick up truck with only 2 doors... I NEVER have to cram myself into the back of Chris' truck again!!! *happy dances all over the place*
Not to mention I'm not forced to stay within a 3 year old's walking distance of my house... Like I can walk all day... but my son.. he can only make it a few blocks and so we don't get to go very far from the house during the week... but not anymore!! YAY!!! Thanks Jack!!!!!
So anyway, now that I have a car to get around I'm so excited to start taking Devyn and Haley out to do more fun things during the week... the only thing that sucks right now... It's been all rainy for the last 2 days that I have had the car... LOL
go figure :)
but the rain will stop and I will be FREE!!!!!
or at least a little less restrained :)
<3

Frustration...

So I just don't get this... it's totally confusing me... so let's see if I can try to work this out in my head...
My mom... she's great and all but My grandfather, her dad, isn't. Wayne... he's a despicable man. He's done unmentionable things to people in my family and attempted such an act with me... He's not to be trusted, at least not in my eyes. So why would anyone expect me to be happy that he just showed up at my moms house this week. My husband and I made an adult decision here... we chose not to go to visit this man. We don't want to be around him and definitely don't want our beautiful children around him. My job as a mother is to do everything I can to prevent my children from being harmed. Red flags flying all over... So no... I didn't want to visit this man.
My mom, being the woman she is, got very upset with me for my choice. She also attempted to justify it by telling me that he's there with his girlfriend and that no one will be alone with him. Like, Why?? If we all know the kind of person he is then why would we even want to see him. Am I wrong for feeling this way? I really don't feel like I am, but my mom hasn't spoken to me in 2 days and I wish she knew that I made this choice for my family and not to hurt her... I'm so frustrated by this that I had to write this... I just needed to get it out.